When our baby was born earlier this year, my husband, Anthony, couldn’t wait to hold him, a desire that started the moment he cut the umbilical cord and became a mandate as he watched the nurses care for our son.
When it was time for me to take over, despite the hours of Lamaze classes and reading of countless parenting books, it was my husband who seemed to have all the answers. When I attempted to burp our baby it wasn’t my way, but the technique Tony picked up in the hospital that worked best. When it was time for diaper duty, it was daddy, not mommy who had a handle on diapering a boy without getting spritzed. And when we had to install the car seat, I threw my hands up in defeat and stepped aside as my hubby got the job done.
At first, I didn’t want to admit it. It felt odd that he knew more than me. After all, I am John Anthony’s mother. I should know how to soothe him when he’s cranky, burp him when he’s full. Those first few weeks, I tried to be super mom and do everything by the book. My husband just stood by and watched, fearful that if he suggested a better way, I’d probably snap. But after one too many disapproving glances, I challenged him on his burping technique. To my surprise his way worked. So, I’ve come to realize that, though our parenting styles are different, our son is happy regardless of who’s tending to him. My husband is happy, too, because he is contributing in such a major way.
Bottom line: parenting is a shared responsibility. Appreciate a spouse who wants to step up and be hands-on in raising a child. Though we mothers like to think we’ve got things all figured out, babies benefit from daddy’s way just as much. In a few years, Tony will have to do something I can’t – teach our son to be a man. What a lucky little boy he is!
Here are five tips to learn from dad:
• ALLOW HIM – A father/child bond is important. If the baby is content with his father, don’t interfere. Take cues from their interaction. You just may learn something.
• COMPLIMENTS PLEASE – Praise goes a long way. Acknowledge your spouses contributions, especially if you’d like them to continue.
• ADJUST – Books don’t have all the answers. On the job training is the way to go.
• DON’T RUSH IT – Practice makes perfect. If at first you don’t succeed…. Mistakes are part of the process.
• DON’T POINT FINGERS – Saying ‘I told you so’ will alienate your better half from the process; even if you think he’s wrong, don’t criticize.
Sherri McGee McCovey is a New York Times Best Selling author, and producer of the VH-1 reality show “Charm School”.